dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
