worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
