I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Two words: nipple clamps
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