now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
