I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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