yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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