I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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