wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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