You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
