Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
