Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
