You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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