im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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