I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
