2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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