AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
