she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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