were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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