Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
