i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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