We're facebook friends in real life
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize