I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
