Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
