Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
