Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
