I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
