yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize