i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
