I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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