Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
