I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
