Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize