the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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