Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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