and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you never un-have a 4some
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
