You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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