The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
