my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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