Your dad touched me again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
