Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
