Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
