No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Green mimosas i think yes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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