I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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