How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we're so committed to being not committed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize