Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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