apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
