that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
