Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
