Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize