Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want nice things and good sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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