I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You made out with two different species that night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
