So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
