remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
