im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
