Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
