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Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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