Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just google imaged poop.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
