____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
