i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
