My liver just broke up with me...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
