Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
