..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
