Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
