sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
