Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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