I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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