Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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